Might be a good thing.

(Oct. 28)

frustrated.

I seldom use the word to describe myself, and the reason is not
i think i'm good.

i am not good the fact that i know it much more clear than anybody.

"i just feel that being upset or disappointed is a kind of waste
of time - everybody has their hard times, and i'm just facing the
one of mine. No big deal, and i will definitely go through it."

- i say it to myself everytime i feel down.


But in the recent days, i do feel frustrated.
Worse,
the frequency of this negative emotion thing has been increasing rapidly.



the assignments or problems which my classmates regard as easy ,
often turn out to be something that costs me a whole
night or nights just to figure it out - not mentioned to solve it.


so i feel extremely frustrated.



but i will get over it.



i don't have to be sad about the fact that myself is not as smart as others.
"smart" in the dictionary has many meanings-
and one of them is "tremendous pain"


however, as i mentioned,
i never feel myself so stupid in my life.
i feel frustrated,
on the other hand, i think it might be a good thing.


i can't understand the professor, his lecture, and the questions from
other classmates.

i hardly can make any contribution for my project.
i can't solve the problem and always struggling in understanding
the discussion which i really want to get involved, but not just
sit there.

i am not capable of doing the homework by myself, even it's a small
easy one as they said.

i have a serios language barrier. Nowadays, i even have some trobles
in reading.


Yesterday, in the basketball court, the ball on my hand was stolen
very easily by a girl.
since that's a 1-on-1 situation, it made me feel more shamed.


i can take that. i can take them all.

no problem.

i think it might be a good thing to me.



i never feel myself so uncapable, so week in my life.
meanwhile, i never feel my self so lucky in my life.


ya, i'm lucky.


and i appreciate it, everything.



so it might be good thing.

one day in the Manufacturing class, somehow i realized one thing
once happened in my junior high school life.

that's a chemistry class, and i obeserved the girl beside me took
notes kind of desperately.

so i asked her, "do you understand the formula on the board?"

"of course not!" she answered.

"so you take notes and study it by yourself?"

"Not really. i think i will never understand the notes for my entire life."

"so why you take it?" it was my last question.




and now i get the answer.


with smile